Dr appt for my breathing

well two down, one to go!





I've managed to get through two of my doctor appt this week all threee have been in or are in Indy and all have been before 10 am! I'm tired my parents are napping as i type!





So my breathung specialist was not to happy I haven't worn my mask with the bi pap machine at night *like I'm supposed too* the last 5 or so months but her frustration really wasn't directed towards me! I see two breathing specialists and i went to the other one when I stopped being able to wear my mask due to it causing me more pain in my chest and not being able to sleep with it on plus losing 20 pounds made all the mask they have too big *don't ask me why they have no mask small enough n this town for someone who is 29!

anyhow I have to have a sleep study and she wants to see me in six months which to me seemes like she doesnt' care really if i get through the sleep study and wear my mask!

She did say I can't have surgery until i see her in six months and have worn my mask at night. So we will see!

My fear of surgery is having a breathing tube during the operation which is second nature for most but when you're breathing is as bad as mine it means I'd have tons of troubles getting off the thing and they'd have to do a trachea and I'd need to use a vent, I really don't want that because it is not living but artifical breathing!


I keep telling my parents that I just can't fight anymore nor wish to keep living if my pain stays as bad as it has been lately.. but I'm not near death either so i feel kind of ripped off! i feel i need some huge miracles to either get worse rapidly or get feeling better soon! living witrh this pain is really hard I've never had this much pain before please be praying about Friday's dr appointment which is with a pain specialist and hop0efuly he cabn help that day somehow!

I am suapposed to be staying home this weekend with carious peop0le while my aprents and Heather and Noah go down to my sisters for Megan's second bday party and to visit!

I have my ten year reunion from high school this Saturday, can't believe it's been ten years already! hopefully I'm not in to much pain and can enjoy seeinmg people there! thankfully Laura and David could take me to the reunion andstay with me some!

until I write again take care to you all who read my blog!