surgery canceled i

hi everyone who did not receive an email from me who may run across reading my blog my surgery of my T2 spinal area set for Monday January 24 has been canceled.. which is mostly for good reasoning. I've been feeling better the last few weeks due to not having as much pain or other areas of complications caused by further damage from the mass pushing on my T2 vertebrae. I've also been dealing with breathing issues not associated with T2 but another riskier tumor on my C2 area. I've been uneasy about having the surgery since i found out on late November that my breathing is getting worse and I lack the right amount of oxygen, it's not bad enough that I need perminate help from a trachea and vent but if it worsens that will be the step I'll have to take. I brought up my fear of not being able to get off the breathing machine after my surgery and my doctor decided since I'm not having much side affect strength wise that we can hold off on any surgery until I'm already facing the issues that most likely would arise by doing surgery.
It's far for me to say that I do not wish to live on a vent, I feel it's not fair and I feel like I've fought long enough. I've been fighting for 16 years now and it gets harder and more difficult to endure every passing surgery.

with this said, I'm going to continue to decline in health but only God knows when my day will be coming, even though my surgery is not taking place if I was supposed to pass away dieing this surgery or after I will still be dying in some other way, but I don't believe I was meant to pass away yet but I feel it's nice to be honest to all where I am at in my phase of things.

Health aside I'm leaving tomorrow (Wednesday, January 12) on a trip with my parents. I'll be going on my first ever cruise and it will probably be my last cruise too :) We are headed to two islands in the Bahamas and a few days in land in Miami, please send some positive vibes and or prayers that we can get out of snowy cold Indiana on time and that the trip goes as planned. On this cruise or on the Nassau Island. I will get an encounter with dolphins which has been something I've wanted to do for quite a long time.

I hope to start blogging again, but I'm not going to ,make any promises. I will most definitely post some pictures on here once I return from vacation however so please check back towards the end of next week!!